Why is it that some people have trouble accepting acts of kindness?

We all like to be appreciated, so why is it that some people have trouble accepting acts of kindness?

I recently witnessed a situation where a client had spent quite some time bitching about being taken for granted, she felt like she was the household slave to her husband and children, with a similar belief in her working environment.  I was fortunate enough to witness one of her children say to her “Mum, you’re the best, I love you so much.”  To which she immediately responded “What do you want?” sound familiar…….?

What is it that makes people so cynical? 

·                     Is it the way you are bought up? 

·                     Is it a reflection of your values and belief system? 

·                     Is it that you are so busy that you don’t have the time to get to know people on a personal level before they are perceived and then judged? 

·                     Or is it that you just don’t care about anyone but yourself?

If truth be known it is probably a combination of all the above.  Should it be like that NO WAY?  What can you do about it?  There are lots of things you can do to change the way you react, but first you have to understand why you do what you do.

It is all in the way that you accept yourself.  If you do not believe in yourself or believe that you are not worthy of thanks, then of course when someone gives you a compliment you would fob it off or be suspicious of their motives. 

Grab a pen, paper and a cuppa and take a moment to write down the answers to these questions, be brutally honest with yourself:

·                     Am I aware that I react with suspicion when someone pays me a compliment?

·                     What makes me react this way?

·                     How long has this been happening?

·                     When did I first decide I was going to react in this way?

·                     What is this choice costing me?

·                     How would I like to react instead?

·                     What can I do to make the change?

·                     What would my life look like when I sincerely accepted acts of kindness?

When you have a sense of certainty about who you are and what you stand for, the decisions you make as a result of the choices presented to you take on an entirely different perspective.  This is where your values come into consideration.  I will discuss values in another article.

Awareness is the first step to change, being aware that you are ‘doing that old thing’.  Once you acknowledge that you are doing a particular process the easier it becomes in determining why you do it, because your uncertainty about what is important to you will lead you to have feelings of doubt about your self-worth.  Until you change this belief you will not be able to experience a profound level of fulfilment in your life.

Your Destiny Unfolds with

Rodney & Vicki Williams

www.yourdestinyunfolds.com

Are you trading your hours for dollars and feel that you are getting nowhere fast? 

Do you even like what it is that you do that pay the bills? I’ve asked a lot of people over the last few months if they like what they do and I can count on one hand how many of them like, not love mind you, but like the jobs they are currently employed to do.

This led me to ask them “Why do you spend your precious time working a job you don’t like?” This is some of their responses:

• Better the devil you know
• I’ve done this all my life
• No idea if I could do anything else
• I don’t have far to travel
• I could walk to work if I wanted to
• It pays good money
• I can’t afford a drop in wage
• I don’t have any other skills
• I’m too old to learn new things
• I’m due for retirement soon
• l’m too close to long service
• I don’t want to start at the bottom
• It’s taken me a long time to get to where I am

Do these excuses sound familiar….? I must admit I stayed in a previous job because of one of these excuses, but it didn’t take long before I realised that by doing so was detrimental to my health and happiness. 

Let’s look for a moment at the negative side of staying stuck in a dead end job that you don’t like.  Over time you may start to notice the following:

• bullying
• depression
• lack of self esteem
• lack of work ethics
• lack of co-operation
• lack of self confidence
• lack of pride in your work
• Increased alcohol and/or drug use
• Increased arguments with partner and peers

There are lots more but do you see that by being unhappy in where you work or what you do, that over time it will have a detrimental effect on your health.

By spending a few hours a week you could invest in learning new skills that would then give you the opportunity to choose another line of work or lifestyle.  At the very least you will become aware that there is another option. 

I appreciate that there are generally two types of people:

The people that do. These positive people want to improve themselves and their lifestyle they will have an open mind and will see the possibilities of learning new skills. Most of these people will follow through once they have learned these new skills.

The people that don’t. These people are generally negative and have a limited view of life.  They are the people who will set about to prove you right, you know who I mean, the people who say things like:

• You can’t do that
• That won’t work
• You will never amount to anything

These people are happy to experience life as they know it and that is ok, but don’t let them bring you down.

If you get nothing else out of this, please just accept that there is always a choice, another option, another way of doing things.  Life is never meant to be simple, but it doesn’t have to be hard.

Vicki Williams

Your Destiny Unfolds