Friends come into your life for a reason
Not sure what part of the world you are in when reading this article but for those of you in Melbourne it is getting cold, the start of winter is upon us. I get pretty complacent at the beginning of each season, I’m sceptical of the weather forecast. Well I payed dearly yesterday, let me explain…..
I was in Canberra yesterday without a coat, or jumper. I wore what I would normally be wearing in Melbourne. As I was only in Canberra overnight I really didn’t think too much about their weather and boy did I pay for it. I was chilled to the bones and for the first time this year I used our sauna in an effort to warm up my bones. No I am not bagging Canberra, it is a very beautiful city, what I am saying is that I was complacent about the weather and as you read this I challenge you to think about what you get complacent about?
I know previously I have been very business orientated and some of my readers who are not in business have asked for a lighter more social read every now and then, so when I asked Teanna what I should focus on she was watching ‘Friends’ on TV, and said “What about talking about relationships.”
My first thought was a poem called Reasons, Seasons or Lifetime I like which signifies why friends come into your life, whether it is for a reason, a season or a lifetime , friends have a purpose and this poem is the best one I have found that sums it all up. Please read it and tell me what you think.
Social networking is fantastic, during my time on Facebook, Myspace & Twitter I have been reunited with lots of friends that I have misplaced over the years. It is an honour to be reconnected with them and in this day when we all claim that we are busy and focus on what is happening ‘in the moment’ it is no wonder why friends get lost as a result.
Has this happened to you? Are you one of many who all of a sudden realise that they haven’t heard from ‘so in so’ in such a long time, that when you get around to it their email address bounces back or their letter comes back address unknown. Whatever the reasons what do you do next? That is the question I want you to think about.
What do you do when the door to a relationship closes?
Do you analyse why this has happened?
Do you question the depth or strength of the relationship?
Do you secretly know why the relationship ended?
Do you try to find out why or do you just accept it as a lost cause?
Do you really care?
Over the years I have lost a couple of what I thought were close friends. I have to admit that it probably took me awhile to realise that they were ‘lost’. I had been emailing them and not getting a response, which is not really that unusual as they were not that committed to emails or letter writing in the first place and they had always told me that, so I didn’t think about it when I didn’t get responses from them. Every year I sent Christmas cards and I suppose it took me a few years to realise that they weren’t responding to them either. When I rang them to have a catch up call I was surprised that the number had been disconnected, which then led me to checking the white pages in their city only to find they were no longer listed.
Now I could beat myself up wondering why this happened, but what I have chosen to do is to let it go and know that at some point somewhere down the track someone that I know will know them and if they then choose to reconnect then that is their choice.
What I am more interested in is your story. Have you been dropped, or lost contact with any of your friends?
How strong was this relationship?
Did you see it coming or was it a total surprise?
How has it affected you as a result?
What is this breakdown of relationship costing you on a physical, emotional and spiritual level?
What is a compelling reason why you would want to change where this relationship is going?
For this to occur, what changes would need to take place within you?
Would you need resources, information or assistance for this change to take place.
What obstacles are in your way?
If you had a ‘clean slate’ and were able to start over from a time before this was an issue, what would you do differently?
What I find is that so many people blame the other person for a breakdown in relationship, I firmly believe that it takes two people to make a relationship and as I have yet to meet someone who is truly perfect then I have to believe that we all have ‘issues’ that can make or break a relationship.
You may not agree with me, but I stand by the fact that a lack of communication or a breakdown in communication is what causes relationships to fail.
What I have learned in coaching is that the reason most marriages fail is one of three key ingredients finances, sex or poor communication skills. Usually it is the combination of all three. Think about it, because this is what I am told time and time again
He/she doesn’t listen…….
We just didn’t connect….
If only she/he had told me…….
I don’t know, they didn’t say…….
He/she doesn’t understand me…..
When I didn’t hear anything from them I……
I felt that things were not right, but didn’t know how to approach them….
I know that I have previously talked about getting ‘clarity in your communication’ process, I wonder how that is working out for you, are you practicing digging deeper by asking better questions to fully understand what is being asked and whether your perception of the conversation is the same as the person you are communicating with. Don’t forget to ask those open questions. Check out my article on Miscommunication is Hazardous to your Health to find out more about how to improve your communication skills.
So if you were to be brutally honest with yourself, do you think that you or something that you do may have resulted in losing contact with some of your friends? If so, NOW would be a great time to start working on making the changes necessary to ensure this doesn’t happen again.
All the best and let us know how you get on re-connecting with those you have ‘lost’.
It takes a very brave person to admit they were wrong; wouldn’t you want to be that person?
Your destiny unfolds with
Rodney & Vicki Williams
