How to Reduce Family Pressure at Christmas Time

Posted by admin | Stress | Friday 19 December 2008 2:02 pm

How to Reduce FAMILY PRESSURE at Christmas time

Family commitment at Christmas time is usually something you are ok with or something you will do anything to avoid.

Family avoidance is generally due to an unpleasant feeling you have for one or more members of your family or their partners. If left untreated this feeling will manifest to the extent that your family will take on these feelings as well and there breeds a tradition being passed down the generations.

What can you do? How can you attend family gatherings when you can’t stand some of the people there? Life it too short and if I was the one who had the problem then I would set about resolving it, or at least come to some kind of understanding or compromise with the other person. You know it takes a very brave and courageous person to take the initiative to make amends so that they can move on with their life more positively.

I know of people who hate the festive season because their partner is consumed with pleasing people and spends far too much money on others thus over committing their own bank balance.

This in turn puts more pressure on the family unit, especially tension between the husband and wife (or partners if unmarried). If this continues for a long period of time it will result in a breakdown of respect for each other. You will find that one partner feels forced into finding more money (possibly illegally.)

One partner will begin to get frustrated after attempting to persuade the other to stop spending money. If this conversation continues and a favourable outcome is not reached, then this partner will start doubting themselves and wonder why they are doing all this. What is it all for? Who is getting the benefit? Because it isn’t them. They are doing the extra work and getting nothing for it. If they haven’t been turned off by Christmas they soon will be.

At this time of the year ‘stuff’ may happen that increases stress within the family unit. A member of your family may have an accident and become hospitalised. A child may become seriously ill. A member of your family may die. Your partner may decide to leave you or they may have a sudden urge to be unfaithful, or

absence of a family member. All of these scenarios are possible and they could be quite traumatic. How you react to these events will greatly affect your coping mechanism for future Christmases.

What could you do to get a different outcome?

You could begin by communicating more effectively. If the message is not getting to the respondent, then find another way and keep trying until you can break through some boundary conditions. This is best done in a non confrontational way, and check the tone of your voice when doing this, as there is no need for accusations.

Set some boundary limits on spending and work together to reach a compromise with a favourable outcome. If you find this makes no difference then there are many ways to break the cycle in relation to someone who is a compulsive spender. There are wonderful techniques with Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) that will assist with changing how you spend money, as well as other resources that can implement better spending habits. It is easy when we show you how.

What does Christmas mean to you? Does your family drive you insane? What do you do to keep your sanity at this time of the year? Do you have any secrets that may help my other readers to enjoy the festive season around loved ones?